I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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