whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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