She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
