I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
