i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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