Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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