Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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