Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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