im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Say something about gay babies.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
