This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
