Do vagina's smell?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
