Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
