Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
