Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
