Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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