Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
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Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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