Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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