your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
