Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
