sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
