if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
