dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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