Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
