Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
