With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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