then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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