Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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