a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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