You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
