Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
