Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize