So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
