I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
did i walk over a car last night?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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