She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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