I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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