i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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