There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
