There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
