Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
