If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.