I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?