When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
we should paint friendship bongs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
