please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
