in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
