Im at strip club and am horny
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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