i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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