Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
