haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
