My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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