I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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