dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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