And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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