I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.