Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before