I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
