Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
