you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
