So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
