So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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