Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
