She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
