I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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