Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
