escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
