Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
