But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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