We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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