Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
