You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
