all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
