I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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