So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
