I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Watching her eat just hurts me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
