My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
