Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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