can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
should my penis look like a turkey
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize